What if you were an Elf on the Shelf?

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Imagine you were that little shelf sitting fellow whose only job is to blackmail small children before the holidays. What do you see? What do you hear?

Now share it in a post and link it back for the What if 2014 holiday challenge.

See all the details including the link up box in the original post.

Not sure how to tell your story? Check out my take on the challenge here.

Happy Holidays!

Oh and I also had some random holiday questions you might be interested in answering to help get you in the holiday spirit. They are:

1. Where is the weirdest place you found yourself on Christmas morning?

2. What is the one present you wanted badly and have never gotten?

3. What is the one thing you wanted badly, got and wished you hadn’t?

4. Have you ever re-gifted? If so what and why?

5. If Santa is real would you really want to meet him in person?

6. How many Elves could fit inside the biggest Christmas present you ever received?

7. What is your favorite holiday movie, show and/or song?

8. What is your least favorite holiday movie, show, and/or song?

9. What would you name a reindeer if you could? Why?

10. Do you think Santa could benefit from a healthier snack on Christmas eve or are cookies and milk the only choice? What would you recommend for the jolly old fat man?

You can see the original questions post on JED’s Playhouse here.

 

Ten random questions for the holidays

JED:

What if you could choose the name of a new Reindeer for Santa? What if you could answer this and some more random holiday questions? Check out my post at JED’s Playhouse for a little holiday fun!

Originally posted on JED's Playhouse:

A few days ago I posted about my favorite Christmas movie (to hate) and it started some interesting conversations on the subject. It also got me thinking about other Christmas and holiday related subjects.christmas-gift-563141_640

I figured if one subject could stir up conversations then ten might could make ripples throughout the world! Okay, maybe not but they could stir up more fun so here goes. Ten random holiday questions for the bloggers out there and readers who are interested in answering.

Create a post or give answers to one or all questions in the comments. I’m looking forward to what you have to say.

1. Where is the weirdest place you found yourself on Christmas morning?

2. What is the one present you wanted badly and have never gotten?

3. What is the one thing you wanted badly, got and wished you hadn’t?

4. Have you ever re-gifted? If so what and why?

5…

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What if your pets are celebrating Christmas without you?

JED:

Just a reminder to not forget the little four legged ones this Christmas.

Originally posted on Okay, What if ?:

Me and the wife currently have a total of four pets (three dogs and a cat). I realized today, after all the shopping and holiday hustling around that we didn’t buy a single thing for our pets. Now of course they get treated very well on a daily basis with a high quality food, snacks every day and a warm comfortable bed of their own to sleep on (although they still normally try and mostly succeed to find there way onto our bed). As a matter of fact if we added it up I believe the cost of their food and snacks on several weeks is more than ours.

So we are bringing in the shopping bags and there are all four of them just sitting very quietly staring at us with a look of disappointment and it hit me. Are they wondering where all the gifts for them were? Are they…

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What if you met your former self?

I couldn’t believe it. I closed my eyes, shook my head and did a double take but when I reopened them it was still there. I was still there or at least a version of me. A version from many years before, the childish side that everyone said was spoiled. Boy could I see why.

I knew it was wrong to beat a child, but if you were the one doing it to your own self was It still wrong? The child, me, I ran at me and screamed directly into my own face “I want pizza! I’m hungry.”

“Whoa, whoa now settle down. I don’t know what we are having for supper and if you are supposed to eat before.”

What was I saying? Why was I worried about supper? Was it just a reaction to all the times I heard it when I was younger? Wait, this was the younger me so now I was telling it to myself as it echoed inside my head. This was just downright weird.

“Have you finished your homework? I bet you haven’t and you are waiting until morning to just cause a fuss as you rush it between breakfast and the trip to school.”

There I went again. It was almost an automatic thing. I wasn’t even thinking about it just saying things I heard when I was little, but now it was me saying them to myself. Well, the younger version of myself. All I could think of was why? Why was I having this weird hallucination? At least I hoped that was all it was.

I heard what sounded like a doorbell and suddenly a new version of me entered. This was the bit older but no where near mature version. He, I, was escorted by a police officer who stopped when he faced me, uh the now version of me.

“Is this one yours?” The officer asked

“Well, uhm, yeah sorta. I think.” I managed to respond.

“We caught him breaking into the school. It’s not the first time he’s been in trouble. You need to get a hold on him before he ends up in jail or worse.”

“Thanks officer and don’t worry, he , uhm, I turn out well. I never get in any major trouble.”

“It’s not you I’m talking about. It’s him and I hope he surprises me, but you need to keep an eye on him.”

It is me, it is me. I’m the one, I turned out good. Please, you have to believe me sir. The words were shouted in my head but never came out as sound and the young officer left without the knowledge I wanted, I needed him to know.

“Hey, what’s the little brat doing here and why are you looking at that officer so weird? You fruity or something?” This new version of me asked.

“No, but what if I was. You would be too. Nothing wrong about it.” I said to myself with a bit of embarrassment at the jerk, the bully I was, uhm I used to be. You know, that immature version of me I was talking to.

“Hey I’m not a brat. Make him say he’s sorry. It was mean. You shouldn’t call others names!” The youngest version of me said with a sadness to his voice.

“He’s right. It was mean. Now apologize to me, uhm you, uhm him for it.” Oh wow this was getting confusing.

“Sorry turd I called you a name. Quit your whining or I’ll make you hit yourself!”

“Hey, you just called me another name!”

“If anyone here is going to start hitting themselves it’s going to be you, I mean me, I mean you. Just everyone be quiet!”

We all looked at each other in awkward silence until the door opened and I entered, err another version of I.

“What’s going dowwwwinnnee in this towwwwinnnee peeps.” He, I, said along with a lot of body movement.

“Who you?” The youngest me asked.

I just dropped my head in disgust at the sight. I mean anything but MC J.E.D. I could have dealt without ever having to see the late teenage wannabe rapper side of myself again. Yet here before me I stood and wailed away.

Thunk, Thunk, Thunk.

“Honey, honey! Wake up!”  A distant voice beckoned.

“Huh, what?” I slowly opened my eyes to realize I was in my own bed. Only my wife was there with me.

“You were dreaming sweetie. You sounded like you were trying to rap or something. It was awful.” My wife told me as she busted into laughter.

It was just a dream, just a dream Thank goodness I am back in reality. I wonder how my wife will take it when I tell her I’m not sure if I want kids anymore. Mom had told me my kids would be little versions of myself only a little more misbehaving. I don’t think I could handle that!man-295975_640


Post inspired by Cimmy and her challenge The Dream. Check it out or add your own answer to her challenge. Thanks Cimmy for the inspiration.

What if writing challenge – Holidays 2014!

I have been thinking of restarting the What If Writing Challenge again because I miss all the great fun we had. I remember some crazy scenarios that came out and some wonderfully written stories based on the former writing challenges.

The challenge I put forth for you today doesn’t mean the challenges are back, but it could lead to something new if it goes well. Let me know your thoughts and/or concerns.

The challenge I would like for you to consider in the spirit of the holidays…

What if you were the Elf on the Shelf?

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Photo courtesy of Flicker

Imagine you are that creepy little fellow who sits on shelves all over the world judging little kids throughout the holiday season. What do you witness? What are your daily routines? Are you nice, naughty or both?

Make up your very own make believe world or base it in reality. Make the Elf real or just tell his sad story as a stuffed thing. It’s your story so tell it to all the adoring What if readers.

A few rules…

  1. Keep it a reasonable length, let’s say around 500 words so we can enjoy any entries and read them all before the holidays.
  2. Tag your post with whatifchallenge
  3. Add a link back to this post or the linkup tool and check back often to see what others have posted
  4. Share your post between now and Christmas Eve (December 24th 2014)
  5. Have fun, I repeat have fun!

Also, not a rule but a suggestion, keep it somewhat clean. No vulgar references to the Elf please. He is after all somewhat a kid’s toy and it is the holidays. Thanks for visiting and I hope to see your story soon. JED

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays!

What if it was a time to be thankful?

It would seem the Holidays have snuck up on us for another year. Turkey day is right around the corner followed by celebrations of almost every form and including most everyone on earth. Whether it’s Happy Holidays, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas or Season’s Greeting’s the days ahead will be about family and time spent together.

I figured it was a great time for me to talk about being thankful but decided on a blog called Okay, What if? I needed to do it a little differently. So the following is a short list of what if’s for the holidays that make me thankful for what I have.


 

turkey-152050_6401) What if I didn’t get to stuff myself full of great food? What if I didn’t love ham and turkey so much? What if sweets were not a part of holiday events?

 

2) What if I didn’t have a home to sleep in? What if my decorations were pinned to a cardboard box? What if my neighbors were the furry critters living on the street?

 

3) What if I didn’t have great friends and family to share the holidays with? What if I was alone? What if I was lost with no where to go?

 

4) What if Santa hadn’t visited me as a child? What if he hadn’t been there for me as an adult as well? What if my parents hadn’t taught me that receiving is nice, but giving is what makes the holidays a celebration?

 

christmas-ornament-498616_6405) What if I hadn’t met my loving wife? What if she wasn’t willing to put up with my silliness? What if I didn’t love her so much?

 

6) What if a little more than a year ago I hadn’t started blogging? What if my stories and thoughts were still stuck in my head? What if I hadn’t found so many friends among the other bloggers?

 


 

I think it’s a good start to the season but I know I may think of more.

I really want to send a thank you to those who have made my days as a blogger so much fun.

What if Superman was a total ass?

superman-295328_640Years of saving people and stopping super-villains had made Superman a bit cranky. No matter how many times he stopped Lex Luthor and put him in prison, he always escaped to cause more chaos. Every time a satellite was malfunctioning the government would call, expecting him to fly into space and fix it. If a house caught fire or an eighteen wheeler turned over and he was not immediately there to help out, everyone complained.

It was just too much. He needed a break but a vacation for a super-hero was nearly impossible. Hell, just a good night’s sleep was something he hadn’t experienced in years. Then today he received this! The city of Metropolis had sent him a bill for the destruction caused during his latest fight with Doomsday.

How could they possibly expect him to pay a million dollars in rebuilding costs? All the good he had done for this city and he never received a dime compensation. I mean even that stupid Golden Key to the city they gave him was made of a hollow metal. That was it, all he could take, he had had it. From now on he would let the people fend for themselves!

It was only a few days before the city was in complete chaos. Almost every bank had been robbed at least once and half the police force had quit. Without the help of a super powered being to fight the super-villains they decided this was not the place for them.

It took every ounce of Superman’s will to hold back and not save everyone. He watched as the villain’s gained control of the city. After a while it actually started to make him smile. He started to chuckle every time a news report contained the headline “Where is Superman?”. For some reason he enjoyed the fact that the city was not able to survive without him.

He decided to make his appearance again, but he was a changed hero. No longer the doormat of the city he would choose when, how and why he choose to help out. If the city itself or the government agencies needed his help they were going to pay for it. Why shouldn’t he have just as fancy a mansion as the local hero of Gotham City did?

He flew into to town to applause from the city’s inhabitants. An older lady approached him asking for help. Her cat was at the top of the tree by her house.

“Sorry, lady. That’s a job for the fire department or the neighborhood kid. I’m much too Super to do a menial task like that.” Superman told her.

The gathered crowd let out a collective gasp. What had happened to the Man of Steel during his hiatus?

Suddenly a car came screeching by, shots being fired. A police cruiser was on its heels and pulled to a stop at the site of Superman.

The officer driving hollered out the window asking for help, saying the car they were pursuing was full of bank robbers. Superman went into action and seconds later had the criminals in hand. He handed the cops two of the three bags of money from the getaway vehicle.

“Superman, thank you. I’ll go ahead and take these and that other bag back to the bank.” the officer told him.

“No, this is my reward for saving the rest. Tell the bank It’s a down payment on the back money owed for my security duties up to this point.”

Another collective gasp was heard from the gathered onlookers. Had Superman been dipping into the Red Kryptonite again?

Superman took flight and hollered back to the crowd “Sorry about that. Couldn’t hold it any longer. It will dissipate in a couple hours.” then could be seen chuckling to himself as he flew away.

The crowd and the cops looked at each other wondering what the great hero was talking about. It was answered quickly as a distinct odor enveloped the crowd. A few people even passed out from the strong smell of a Super-Powered poot from a Super-Ass.

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