I went back through some of my old post ideas and drafts today looking for a good subject to write about and came across this question I had posed to myself very early in my blogging career. The draft was dated in July of 2013 and had the title you see What if the last year of your life was a dream? and then just a single paragraph written with no real meaning.
It started me thinking what made me think up this subject back then and what made me find it now? Would I want to find out I had been living a dream? It has been a tough year with quite a bit of loss and very little gain. Still the thought of it could always be worse creeps into my head. And I know that as bad as it has been , I have survived through it and the family is still intact despite the losses. These facts I am proud to have been a part of and would hate to see taken away.
Of course I would be overjoyed to find out my dad hadn’t passed, but if it meant he was still suffering as he had in his last couple months it would quickly break my heart. I’m not sure I could have taken much more of that roller coaster ride and seeing the way my mom suffered through it. I know she is still suffering now but she knows the situation and is dealing with it as best she can. Before the not knowing and the constant worry was just too much for all of us in the family.
I believe my wife would agree with me and feel the same about the loss of her Granny. She was a tough woman who had raised a battalion of children and grands but her time was called and we believe she was ready to answer. Sadly she has been joined by two of her children in the following months and this has made for a very tough year for that family. My wife has dealt with it all and remained intact. She has let the worry she has for her father be the focal point of her pain. As long as she can help him through it I believe is what has kept her strong.
It this had all been a dream what a horrible one it would have been. To find out all this was only a dream and then to possibly have to relive it later would be unbearable. I would rather my dreams be about lottery winnings, driving race cars or being a secret agent helping save the world. These are the things I want to remember when I find out it was all a dream.
No, I don’t think I would want to find out the last year was a dream. As much as it has been painful, some good has come out of it. My family is stronger having gone through the pain together and become even closer than we were before. The relationship between my wife and me has lasted through these tough patches and we are past the first five years of marriage (Seven later this year). We still care for each other as we did on our wedding day and I wouldn’t want to lose a day of that.
WordPress has also been a big part of my past year and I wouldn’t want to know the friends I’ve found here were only part of some dream. Why this post spoke to me so much today I’m not sure, but it was a subject I needed to think on. Thank you for listening to my thoughts.
It’s almost time for bed here so it won’t be long before I head that way. I hope I can dream about those race cars tonight. I really want to hoist that trophy and take a bath in bubbly at the winner’s circle.